Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
