So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
