just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
