Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
