We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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