I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
