the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
