I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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