Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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