I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
