Christians are straight up FREAKS
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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