the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
