There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
