I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
