that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
