cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
