I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
