you turned your livingroom into a bong?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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