So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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