even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize