Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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