Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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