im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
