she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
