A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
