I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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