how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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