it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
