i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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