Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
