what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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