So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
