sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
