for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
