Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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