I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
