At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
