My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
