so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
