May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
