The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize