Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You are a genius and a whore.
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