The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
