guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
