Walk of Shame. In a state park.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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