i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
