but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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