I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize