I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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