White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
