I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
