I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
