she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
