he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
