we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
