Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
