just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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