Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
