I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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