I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
