get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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