dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
