Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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