Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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