Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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