if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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