I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
