Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
