Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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