i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
