your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
