my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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