OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
